Skiboarding 2012 day 8 - The almighty departure

Off to a bad start, the alarm we set to go off at six had not gone off by 0730 when Crispy and Ken rang me to ask why they were waiting for me downstairs. It was on Vicky's phone, which still cheerfully stated the alarm was due to go off imminently at six even though by its own admission the time was seven thirty.
The weather was fantastic, truly the calm after the storm. Although over a foot of snow had dropped in a relatively short amount of time there was only a few inches of packed snow and ice on the roads as the snow ploughs had been out in force. The mountains looked perfect and conditions for skiing would be ideal.

Ken Crispy and I were to collect the cars and bring them back to the apartment for loading first thing. Because I was late they insisted on walking fast so by the time we got to the car park I was wheezing like a broken dogs chew toy in a tumble drier. Ken ambled off to find the lovebus and Crispy stayed with me to find the Lolvo as I had the jump cables to start his car.
It took a worryingly long time to start my car - it is no more a morning person than me it appears. Also just to annoy me I found that because I was parked on a low floor in the car park the rear of the car and roof were covered in a fine layer of snow - so much for not needing to clear the damn thing off.

Once mine had rattled to life we went to find the Lexus, Crispy even guessed the correct floor to find it. Its a good thing he did, because when we came across the correct floor it was shrouded in a diesel smog. At the center of the smog was a familiar white van - Kens van in fact. Apparently the diesel heater was the cause of the cancer inducing smog but instead of switching it off Ken insisted it would clear - eventually.
Spurred on by death by van we were able to quickly jump start the Lexus and leave the parking level it resided on. When we got to the exit Ken and I handed our tickets to the automated machine and drove straight out, we had decided to rely on 4wd (lolvo) and snow tires (van) to get us around the resort as we felt it was not too bad. Crispy was concerned that the Lexus would be unable to stop or start moving once he left the safety of the dry carpark so he opted to chain up in the carpark before leaving. This it turned out would be his downfall.

There was very limited space to park once leaving the car park, so Ken chose to park in front of an (empty) snowplough and I chose to park in a space next to them with the mountain behind me. As we chatted we were approached by an anxious looking Frenchman extremely proficient in arm waving. Through many excessive gestures and much shouting he insisted we should move - the Val Thorens authorities would be using controlled explosions to create avalanches and as a result the roads surrounding the car park could be receiving the displaced snow.
With panic at the forefront of our minds we told Crispy only to find he had not yet got his chains on - shouty arm waving man insisted we abandon his car in the car park and immediately move our cars or risk losing them. In true Top Gear style we abandoned Crispy and ran away.

Feeling slightly guilty I returned to the car park after loading the Lolvo at the flats, Crispy had made it down the hill outside the carpark but was still unable to fit the chains and had got stuck trying to go uphill.
I helped him fit the chains and led him back to the apartment to load up.

We were actually loaded and ready to leave by 0930 - a good three hours before I thought we would get on the move. Traffic down the mountain was terrible, and after the traffic ended we then got stuck behind a snowplough anyway.
After getting out of the mountains the journey home was actually pain free - a good end to a brilliant holiday.

And no - we were unable to get customs to search anyone again - frankly I'm starting to think I could smuggle in immigrants on the roof and still get away with it.

Skiboarding 2012 day 7 - How to make friends and alienate people

The weather has really moved in on us now, can no longer see much at all.
Last night was a big piss up for Russell's birthday, we met at a restaurant in the middle of the town and as I met the others there I figured I could avoid the fancy dress. Alas, they brought mine with them. Bastards. Vicky and I had to get dressed in the restaurant before ordering. We did decline the clubs and pubs afterwards though.

As it was a piss up the night before it was a late start today, but today we would be in fancy dress!

From left to right we have: A Whoopie Cushion (Chris Douglas), A boring and Joyless person who refused to wear fancy dress (Phil Douglas), an, er, confusingly coloured cat (Vicky), A superheroine (Kate), A lost Penguin (Me), Kermit the Frog (Steve), Iron Man (Crispy), Bugs Bunny (Jane), A tiger with a Lions head - making it a Liger actually (Scott), A Mexican (Bluntly), A monkey (Dom) and Osama Bin Laden (Stubby). 
People loved the costumes, we had photos cheers and waves everywhere. However unfortunately we only managed a couple of runs, the weather is truly terrible now. In fact it has dumped several inches over the last hour or two and only seems to be getting worse, even the toboggan is shut due to high winds at the top. Whilst skiing today I did have my one and only stack of the holiday- unable to see bumps and divots ahead of me I gradually hit a hill, came to a slow stop and rolled on my side. It was a very graceful and slow maneuver but was unfortunately witnessed by others so it counts as a fall - or else I would deny it ever happened. However whilst laying in the snow on my side, contemplating the excuse for being in the snow on my side I got rammed in the spine by Kermit the frog (Steve in drag). So now I had the pain to go with the fall.
During their piss up last night it also occurred to them that our ski passes stop working today, so theirs no point hanging around and we are hoping to leave here early (for us) Saturday morning instead of hanging around until Saturday night. With the snow so thick on the ground already I have a feeling this may not go too smoothly for us. Also we all have battery concerns, for a while now (months) our Lolvo has been showing a 'battery low' warning if you sit in the car with the stereo on for a while. As the battery in the Lolvo appears to be one stolen from a battleship I fear this indicates it only has so long left to live. Both Crispy and Bluntly expressed concern over their batteries before leaving too, in Crispys case someone left an interior light on when they parked it so we know its gonna need a bump start but we haven't tried any of the others...
To pass the time I have pleasingly found a very cheap tat-shop and started wasting what little money I don't have. So far I have acquired a BB gun and ammo, Chris has acquired some bangers... Its a peach of a BB gun, even has a laser and torch. I intend to use it to storm the other apartments later and hold them hostage. With a combination of bangers and BB's they will be overcome by our shock-and-awe tactics and immediately surrender any cash they have remaining. With the cash we can purchase more ammo for the BB gun, and eventually upgrade enough to rob the French bank before leaving. Possibly.
We did go to the snowmobile place at the prescribed time, but it was cancelled due to the weather :(. "Le-Impossible" as the instructor reliably informed us after going out to see if it was clear. A shame, we had high hopes for breaking some expensive French-owned equipment.
Its just one more sleep to go till home time now, we have to be all packed up tonight so all we need to do is load the car in the morning.

Skiboarding 2012 day 6 - Bad weather rolling in, bye bye Gaz

Today was a very late start day, last night nearly everyone went out drinking and got hammered so nobody was in the mood for an early start. I met up with Crispy, Bluntly, Scott, Stubby and Jane at about 1100 for a few gentle runs. The weather has started to turn from this morning so we have been robbed of our great views, visibility is good but poor light means it is impossible to see any bumps ahead - everything is just white.

We also took the opportunity to book snowmobiling for Friday night, a few of us will be renting them for an hour and being taken on a tour. I can't possiblly see how 1000cc half tank half ski contraptions capable of 50mph+ with some of the least mature people imaginable piloting them could possiblly be a bad idea...
Had a late stop at a new cafe on the side of the mountain for crepes and a break, weather was starting to clear at this point but light is still bad. We opted to do a few runs then head in. Somewhere along the line Stubby and Jane had a falling out and Jane made her own way back. We spent the last few runs finding small jumps and steep 'drop ins' from the side of the slopes, each one more challenging than the last in the hopes someone would get caught out. None of us are ready for the x-games, but we did better than expected.
Today Gaz finally got his call back from the insurance company, he is getting a taxi to the airport and a flight home this afternoon. They must have seen a picture of him - they booked two seats for the flight home.
Also tonight everyone is going out for Russells birthday, I think we are all supposed to be going out to dinner in fancy dress followed by out to bars and clubs...

Skiboarding 2012 day 5 - Hurrah! Nobodys broken! But the flat is flooded and the hairdriers on fire.

A good day for skiing again today, again the meeting time was due to be at 0930. I turned up at 0945 having already had breakfast, I was not the last to arrive.
We would be split today- the A team and Scott would be together, Vicky was to be teaching Phil to parallel ski, Jane was having a morning off with the 'Cripple Club' (Gaz and Bridie) and Kate was doing I don't know what.
It didn't start too well though, we lost Chris before we left the hotel.
Today Steve was on skis and boots borrowed from Gaz, he felt that the muscles required for boarding were too broken from tobogganing the day before and skiing would use less broken ones. The problem was that Phil had borrowed Gaz's ski poles and Steve couldn't ski without them so he borrowed mine, I had none to borrow so had to go without. Oddly, I don't tend to use my poles when skiing but instead hold them as a pair unless using them to 'punt' my way along a flat area. However not having them at all is very unbalancing, and I don't like it.
We opted to ski in our valley today, but go to a part of the valley we had not previously seen. This also included the highest peak we could visit. On the way there I found a single discarded ski pole branded as 'Scott', which I took and claimed for myself. Also, as it was branded Scott, I used it to prod Scott any time he was in range of it. I have now claimed the Scott pole as my own and I insist it accompanies us on all future trips.
Here we are at the highest point available to us in Val Thorens, at 3200 metres from sea level.

 



The lift to this height consists of two coach sized cabins side by side, they act as counter weights so when one reaches the bottom the other is at the top and both are are crewed by a driver although other than say then people are in or out I fail to see what use the driver has. When you exit the lift at the top you exit onto a platform hanging off the side of the mountain. The platform has only a metal grille utilizing sizable gaps allowing you to see the considerable drop below stopping you from becoming intimate with the fall itself. You can kind of make all this out in the picture below;

It was as I walked off, marvelling to Russell behind me about the fall and the inadequate feeling grille that it became apparent that Russell does not like heights. This was mostly apparent because Russell had not stepped off the lift cabin, and looked a funny shade of grey. He refused to go near the edges at all, and insisted on no horseplay whilst near the edge.
Here are some further pictures from the very top of the mountain, only because I want you to all be very, very jealous.

From this point it was two choices to get down, or three if you count falling. One was to take a red run, and one was to take a black run. We chose the red option, in fact the first red run I have skiied this holiday. Surprisingly, it all went very well and we made it to the bottom unhurt. We were all to meet at 1300 at the usual mountainside cafe for lunch, but to allow for confusion we split up before meeting up. Russell and I went to wait at the base of a lift where Vicky and Stacy would be meeting to ski together so we could ski with them the single run to get to the cafe. Steve, Stubby and Dom went to the apartments to swap Steves borrowed ski gear for his boarding gear and Crispy and Scott went directly to the cafe. everyone else was making their own ways there, I have no idea what they did prior to lunch. Oh except Bluntly actually - this morning his ski pass broke and he had to go to get a new one, he was supposed to meet us but we missed each other and left him to board with Kate for the morning.
After lunch we decided to go tobogganing again, in fact we have decided to toboggan every night from now on because of how awesome it is. This time Jane, Russell and Phil would be joining us. From the outset Jane and Russell were nervous, and Russell couldn't fit in his sledge at all. Due to sledge size restrictions Russell struggled to keep up and we soon lost him, although he assures us he had some fairly epic crashes.
At one point we were sat waiting for everyone to catch up (its a lot more fun together, sledge bangers) and we witnessed Jane come flying into a bend without turning at all, she hit the banked edge of the track and became airborne - landing in deep snow. I laughed so hard I am pretty certain I wee'd a little bit.
Many pile ups and crashes later we came across another group of sledge-ists on the track in the midst of a massive pileup, we came storming through the piles of arms, legs, torsos, heads and sleds only to find that they had let most of their sleds go - I got knocked off by a riderless sled in fact. On account of the fact it had just knocked me off I did the right thing and insead of helping them find it threw it if the track. Its o, I'm pretty sure they were French.
Anyhow we did eventually make it to the bottom, a little bruised but nobodys broken today, hurrah!
Just one lift and a short blue run home, only at the top of the blue run Bluntly asked for one of my poles (I got both my own poles back from Steve before tobogganing) so he could rude Crispy up with it. Unfortunately for Bluntly Crispy saw him coming, and in a surprise offensive was not only able to push Bluntly over but also nick the pole. Bluntly then ran (boarded) away before Crispy could catch him at the top. Crispy, now armed with the pole and currently 1-0 up gave chase, and caught up on the slope. A hilarious scuffle ensued -like retarded ballet dancing on snowboards whilst moving- and Crispy again won out, able to out-manouvre Bluntly and push him over again. At this point the Blunt one admitted defeat Crispy (now 2-0 up) returned the pole, and I think I had laughed so hard I wee'd again.
Bluntly and I were first back to the chalet, there is a long, wide and shallow run leading to our door and he immediately removed his board upon arrival. This it turned out was to rugby tackle Crispy as he boarded in to rest, with nowhere to go he was a sitting duck for the incoming Blunt tackle. This ended their game, Crispy is still 2-1 u though.
Normally at the end of the day we go in, shower and chill, maybe go out or something. Anyway this afternoon I had my shower with my fixed showerhead and I was blissfully unaware that half the water falling on my was also exiting the other side of the shower curtain. This has resulted in a considerable flood in the bathroom, and also the corridor.

In an effort to dry this up (apparently my towel and t-shirt were not enough) Vicky insisted I use her hairdryer. Only I got bored holding a hairdrier on a puddle (actually I was using it to warm my feet up) and Started to ponder what would happen if I put my hand over the non-blowey end. As it turns out what happens is there is a loud pop and lots of smoke. Apparently I now owe Vicky a hairdrier, I am claiming that someone else did it.

Skiboarding 2012 day 4 - Quite possibly the most fun you can have in 6km

I know what your thinking, another miserable day with more injuries and dropouts - well it was, but without the misery.
Today I awoke feeling very nearly human, except my nose feels full of razorblades (Still entirely Chris's fault). We were to meet at 0930 again, except Chris who had left at 0900 like the keeno he is. Like a fool I was downstairs at 0930, having rushed out of the apartment I had to eat my breakfast cereal whilst putting my boots on. Stubby, Jane, Steve and Dom arrived only just late, at 0945 - Crispy, Phil and Scott had turned up downstairs by 1000. Still, it gave me time to finish my breakfast and deposit the rubbish in Stubby's hood whilst he wasn't paying attention.
We skiied on the other side of the mountain today, and over into the second valley - for the first time making use of our Three Valleys passes. It was a fast flowing morning for the A team, now joined by Scott and for a short time Vicky. All too soon it ws time to return to our valley and meet everyone for lunch. After a very very long lunch we took a group decision to try the toboggan run, by the time we gathered at the toboggan rental shack it was five minutes to three, and it shut at three so we were only able to get a single run on the toboggans in.
Frankly, before any of you die you should take a flimsy plastic tray with 'brakes' which do nothing of the sort and simply hurl yourself off a mountain. Not a small hill like those found in England, but a full on, snow covered mountain like the ones we are currently say on.
Some figures to bore you, the Val Thorens toboggan run takes over an hour to complete, it is 6km long and goes from 3000 metres above sea level to 2300 metres. For those of you with math skill on a par with an infant (like mine) that is a fall of 700 metres, in a plastic tray with no true way to steer or stop.

Above is a shot of us on our first stop on the course, after a massive pileup. Sometime before this picture there is a massive steep straight, followed by a steep right hand corner on a slope you share with crowds of skiiers and snowboarders. On this first corner of the course, on the widest corner of the track, whoever was in the lead at that point had an accident, causing a massive pile up that I, with my immense toboggan control avoided. Only whilst dodging all my fallen comrades I fatally turned too sharply, causing a spectacular barrel roll and tipping me from my chariot.
This set the tone for the rest of the course, much falling, much lack of control, far too much giggling. Words truely cannot describe the epicness of the fun we had on this course.
At some point Bridie had a big off and has badly hurt her knee, and as a general rule we are now all broken in various ways. I think its going to be a quiet night.

Skiboarding 2012 day 3 - Sickness and sleep deprivation

Today was a mixed bag, I woke up feeling decidedly worse for wear (thanks to Chris) and Gaz's morphine has worn off so he is less than happy with the world. After a bit of a bitch about how sucky we felt Gaz shuffled to Russells to spend the day ensconced in luxury and I met the 'A' team for a days skiing.
Today instead of sticking together we opted to split into two groups give or take, a faster group (The A Team) and a slower group (Who do not apparently like being referred to as 'the losers'). In the A Team were Myself, Steve, Chris, Dom, Bluntly, Stubby, Crispy and Russell. In the slower group were Vicky, Kate, Jane, Bridie, Scott and Phil.
Chris awoke early and ever the keeno insisted on being out by 0900 so he could get some runs in before meeting us. The meeting time set was 0930 outside the building, except Russell who would be meeting us at the first lift. Things did not start well for the slower group, Kate had it in her head that the meeting time was 1000 and kept everyone waiting.
Still, the lateness meant we could have a social gossip before departing, and it became apparent that I was not the only person having trouble sleeping... It would seem that Bluntly and Kate had kept some people awake, and when they stopped Crispy had loud and violent sleep terrors which kept waking those in his room (Phil and Scott). As these night terrors don't keep him awake he does not seem at all bothered.
We (The A Team) opted to abandon the others and continue on, and it became immediately apparent to me that today was much colder or that the dreaded Douglas strain of the Avian flu I had contracted (thanks to Chris) was making me very very cold. I was fully buttoned up with barely an inch of skin showing and I stayed freezing all day, even in the sun. Incidentally in case your wondering, the weather here is fantastic - very clear skys and views the gods themselves would be awed by.

After a couple of successful runs we were on our way to try a new lift and route when Chris and Stubby had a small coming together in a crowded area of the slopes. Both were weaving in and out of the many people milling around when both opted to try for the same small gap between a lift and a crowd, unfortunately they were trying for this gap at the same time and it wasn't big enough. I had a perfect view of the collision, Stubby saw it coming but could do nothing about it, Chris had no idea he was there. Stubby managed to stay upright but the hit sent Chris flying, he was so unamused he opted to Skiboard in his own for the rest of the day but it was very funny to watch.
We had lunch in the same cafe as yesterday and all met up there, after lunch I threw in the towel for the day and went home to have a bath. Whilst enjoying my bath I was rudely interrupted by a confused looking Frenchman with a massive bag of lightbulbs and electrical fittings, apparently he was here to fix our electrical problems. Sounds like the opening scenes in a dodgy porno, and I was a little concerned...
Thankfully Bridie turned up so I was not alone with him but she had actually come back early because she was broken, a few falls on the same spot on her hip had put her out of action.
That around about sums up todays escapades, one of these days I may even find somewhere to send these blogs out...

Skiboarding 2012 day 2 - Ah, thats not gone well then.

I awoke to feel the onset of a pretty bad cold, for which it seems I have Chris Douglas to thank. I have considered the many many ways to murder or maim him for this but I am open to suggestions. I will endeavour to ensure everyone else catches it, I am not one to suffer alone.
We met up with every one at 0930 in our ski locker room, except Lord Russell Chandler who would meet us at the lifts from the 5* Palace he was staying at. Of course a 0930 meet actually means 1030 give or take, and we didn't find Stubby and Jane until the late afternoon. 500 meters from our apartment Phil announced he had made a mistake not accepting poles from the rental store and headed off to get them, (almost) never to be seen again.

We had agreed to stay together and assess everyones abilitys on the first day, and although we were already missing several we did keep to it, sort of. Kate quickly found herself unable to maintain a steady pace and Bluntly opted to stay with her to help. We had only managed a couple of runs and not too many stacks (falls) before Russell, Vicky and Gaz opted to head for the lifts ahead of everyone else as they were slower and wanted the headstart and Russell wanted to meet Stacy prior to her embarking on her ski school.
We had not covered much distance before we came across a broken Gaz sitting in the middle of the slope with Vicky (Russell was a little lower and couldn't get back up to them). Gaz had taken a slow but hard tumble and was convinced he had broken his collar bone, with much coaxing and only a limited amount of cruelty he pronounced himself fit enough to ski down without the need to get airlifted or carried down the mountain. Vicky volenteered to take him to the hospital and we continued on. It appears (see below X-ray) that Gaz is indeed severely broken, he has managed to break his collar bone in two places and due to one piece 'floating' it cannot be set and will need to be operated upon in the UK. He is in reasonablly high spirits still, but mostly attributing that to the morphine they gave him. They have said the operation is not urgent but he is now wearing a sling that holds the bones apart to prevent them rubbing (excruciatingly painful he assures me) and to prevent them incorrectly healing.

For those of us that continued the day was quite uneventful, we stopped at a very ordinary overpriced mountainside cafe for lunch.

Not long after lunch Bridie and Scott opted to go in due to tiredness and loss of pace - they feared they were holding us up. We did a few more runs, aquired a Bluntly and Stubby (their respective girlfriends had thrown in the towel for the day) and stopped for a social Crepe at the same cafe. I had completely lost track of the time and was surprised to find the lifts closing, its not often I am still able to stand by the end of a ski day as I am normaly the first to quit.
A nice dinner in our apartment later and the others (including Gaz) have opted to go out for a few drinks. I am far to antisocial to keep up with them so I have opted for bed.
On another note however, it is now readily apparent that both bathroom extractor fans are at best not working, at worst making a bad situation worse. When you have a shower the steam is such you cant find your towels and everything is dripping wet (including the electric heater and plug socket handily located in the bathroom. When you do a "big job" in the loo the aura pretty much never dissipates unless you leave the door open... in a small apartment.
On the plus side I have fixed the shower:

On the down side it sometimes spays the other side of the curtain, making the small bathroom very wet.

Skiboarding 2012 day 1 - Its a loooong way from home.

Skiiboarding: who said this would be a good idea? The trip itself went quite well, better than expected in fact...
We tried to leave early to catch an earlier ferry but as predicted we couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. It was actually team Lovebus causing the delay, which Bluntly blamed on Stubby and Jane not arriving on time. Once organised, packed and together we almost left, then had to load more luggage from the flying team (Because they have crappy weight and size allowances).
Then we almost left, but team Lovebus needed to fuel up prior to departure. Once fuelled, packed, fed and watered we hit the road - at a scorching 69mph. Due to our late start and not helped by the subsonic speed at which we were not covering distance we arrived at the ferry terminal just 15 minutes or so too late to catch the earlier ferry but giving us enough time to stand about and moan at team Lovebus. Also of note was the lack of customs, nobody even bothered to check passports, so convincing them to search team Lexus was impossible.
The ferry was a large one, and better yet the breakfast cafe was open so we could have an almost decent fry up at an indecent price (£15) and antisocial hour (2am). The on board arcade made a considerable amount of money from us, even though the games were so old I think they were taken from the Titanic.

I did spot Stubby using a fruit machine at one point, I forgot to ask but I am sure he made an unreasonable profit from it anyway.
Upon arrival at Calais we found that team Lexus was to be unloaded first, only they had no idea where to go or what to do when driving off a ferry in France so we had to coax them off by radio. After disembarkation (Is that even a word?) and recovery of a confused and frightened team lexus from a layby we hit the autoroute and settled to a time warping new speed of 75mph. As France passed at this incredible rate in darkness we mulled over the worlds problems, set them all to rights and then agreed to never tell anyone else how to.
The night journey would have been almost uneventful if it wasn't for a few things, firstly team Lexus (and this is a running observation throughout the journey) has lane merging issues. Big merging issues. Mirrors it seems are for wimps, and whenever team Lovebus (in the lead) moved lanes for an overtake team Lexus just automatically moved over with them... Regardless of the car alongside them at the time.
As Crispy claimed that this was caused by tiredness we spent several hours researching and discovered that the best pick-me-up possible was to stick your head out of the window. 

At 75mph in -1c the wind was enough to freeze water to the cars so its enough to give a decent wake up call. We did however have to use the air horn to wake Scott in team Lexus, which we managed by pulling alongside with Gaz hanging out of the window.
In team Lovebus however, with a flat bed to lie on Stubby and Jane slept throughout the journey, and Bluntly was unwilling to let us use the airhorn to wake them.
We were on our second fuel stop in the foothills of the mountains when there was some confusion over the fuel bill, we only put in 35 litres but the checkout lady insisted on charging Vicky more, then either charging her again or refunding her but due to the language barrier we had no idea what actually happened. This resulted in much annoyance from me, which I took out mostly on any other French roaduser I could find. In particular when changing lanes, the French drivers always try to block you rather than let you in front and normally I would just slot in behind them. But due to an inept till jockey all French drivers who were unfortunate enough to try to block me were imediately cut up, or forced to chose between their inadequate French made death-trap of a cars brakes and my towbar.
It was a short while after entering the mountains that we received terrible news, the flyers had arrived in Val Thorens, still we figured this meant that they could sort the rooms out for us at least.
One sport we all enjoy when on a journey across France is toll booth drag racing, this year team Lolvo and team Lovebus were well suited, both putting similar lacks of power to the road and weighing enough to require a HGV licence. Team Lexus was expected to lose every time on a technicality, they had never used a toll booth before and would be paying with cash instead of ever-efficient card. It didn't work out too well this year though, every toll booth was a technical loss due to passenger (toll payer) error or traffic forced us to argue with the locals (many of whom I had just upset).
When in the (spectacular by the way) mountains we found to my disapointment that the roads were completely clear of snow all the way to the resort. All bar the laybys, which were pure ice. It was in one of these laybys (on a steep hill) that we decided to pull over and have a group photo. Naturally when we decided to move on we realised that would be easier said than done, the Lolvo struggled but made it eventually, the Lovebus performed surprisingly well on its winter tires but the Lexus had to reverse down the layby until it got back to the road and could gain traction.

Upon arrival in Val Thorens we were greeted to chaos, technically cars are not allowed into the resort itself, but they were everywhere and you couldn't move for the amount of people milling around. We happened upon the flying team whilst getting lost in the town and found to our dismay that due to the queues they had only secured one room, thankfully that was my room anyway but it must have really sucked for the others, who had to nominate two queue-ists to stand and wait.
Once we had sorted the apartment paperwork out we then had to find them, and by now everyone (flyers included) had been up for two days and not eaten for 22hrs so it was all a little tense. We circled many times, and eventually found a coach had blocked our apartment block obscuring any references or ways to find it. Unloading was a masterclass in tempers and getting lost, inside the block is a maze and none of it signposted or logically layed out. One unexpected benefit is the location of our block, it is literally ski in - ski out so excellent in that regard.
The apartment allocations were as follows: Me, Vicky, Gaz, Chris and Bridie in a five-bed. Ken, Kate, Crispy, Phil and Scott in the six-bed. Last, and numbers wise least were Stubby, Jane, Steve and Dom in the other five-bed. A prior agreement between us had allowed each couple to be in a separate apartment and get the inevitable double bed separate room and everyone else had to fight for each single bed. Unfortunately for the couples however this did not go entirely to plan, as two of the apartments did not have doubles at all and the one that did (ours) had a double bed as the top bunk with a single below. You would think we would be pleased with this, but the double bed is now barely 50cm from the sandpaper lined roof. And its not fine sandpaper, but more like gravel covered in fine sandpaper for maximum possible damage.
Also we found that our apartment is in the worst state, clearly nothing in it is from any period since the 80's except the nice flatscreen TV - only that does not work. Bits are falling off every where, the kettle lead has been melted so badly you can see the copper wires exposed in it, the shower has nowhere to be attached, so you have to hold it with one hand whilst showering. To top it off very few of the ights work, and we have several switches on walls that do not appear to have any function, even in places where the lightswitch is clearly somewhere else. There was an episode of Friends once, were they found a lightswitch in their apartment that apparently did nothing but it was actually switching the TV off in another apartment. I mention this because I can only assume that many of our neighbors have been experiencing odd power outages recently, and they are the reason our TV does not work.
Honestly if an electrician ever came here they would simply weep in pain and walk out.
In addition to the electrical woes, the apartment is equipped with a bidet (or b-day? is there a right way to spell that?) but it is located in the bathroom/shower room, where as the toilet is in a separate room not directly linked... how do they expect us to use it exactly?
Once in we went and got our rentals, another lesson in chaos. After at least two hours of fitting we were all sorted bar Gaz, whos feet are so large he had to wait until the next day for them to find him special boots. The last task of the first day was to park the cars int he parking lot we had booked, again finding it was a challenge but we did eventually make it. Team Lolvo were first through the carpark barrier and suffered no problems but team Lexus somehow broke the ticket entry machine and had to call out the attendant to fix it for them. The delay meant that we lost them in the carpark so we are all spread across 8 floors. team Lovebus could only find one space on the route they took and it was at the top floor where the roofs were lower - this  caused considerable annoyance so I am told.
Anyway we had a nice group meal on the way back to the apartments from dumping the cars and then went to crash out.
That about sums up our first 36 or so hours...

Skiboarding 2012 - The Build up

Its nearly here! In just a few more days 16 of us (Yobby, Gobby Brits) will be heading to the Val Thorens resort in the French Alps to severely inconvinience the French and cause ourselves immense pain.

With so many friends going this is going to be a trip to remember if nothing else. As many of those going have never Skiied, Snowboarded or seen a mountain before this trip also promises lots of laughs. Not for them obviously, but for me - I may need to be hospitalized on laughter alone.

We will be travelling in three groups, four will be flying, two will be driving there after the others and the bulk of us will be driving together. I wanted to propose a proper Top-Gear style race, whereby the flying crew were restricted to public transport only and we bet on who would arrive first, but nobody else saw the fun. Boo :(.

The flyers will be Steve, Chris, Dom and Bridie - using an Airbus A320 (Probably). Driving separately will be Russell and Stacy in Russells BMW 530d. Driving together will be: Crispy, Foggers (Phil), and Scott in  Crispys Lexus IS200. Bluntly (Ken), Stubby, Kate and Jane in the Blunt's lovebus (Volkswagen Transporter van/camper). And finally, Me, Vicky and Oracle (Gaz) in our Lolvo XC90.

To prepare the flyers will be packing (lightly) and sleeping.

Their itinery runs something like this;
Meet up at the ship for dinner prior to departure (1900hrs, Friday).
Pack.
Re-pack with 30% less for weight reasons.
Re-pack with 60% less for weight reasons.
Give up packing, realize that no luggage other than underwear and boards can be taken. Put on everything you own to avoid checking it in.
0200hrs, Saturday: Drive to airport, leave car (Doms) in long term parking.
Wait considerable amount of time for check in.
Wait considerable amount of time for security.
Wait considerable amount of time in departures - find that due to the time no shops are open.
Board plane.
Wait considerable amount of time for plane to depart (No clear reason why).
Short flight, sleep and find to their horror there is an in flight breakfast and due to lack of open shops prior to departure they are forced to eat.
Land, wait a considerable amount of time for the Swiss to realize there is a plane full of British on a runway.
Disembark, wait a considerable amount of time for the Swiss to man their passport desks with any more than one person.
Wait a considerable amount of time to find their luggage has been dropped and run over, valuables missing.
Wait a considerable amount of time at immigration for Dom to get improperly touched by customs.
Get lost in Geneva airport looking for their coach.
Board Coach.
Disembark coach, reboard correct coach.
Disembark correct coach to recover luggage from incorrect coach.
Wait a considerable amount of time for the coach to leave - but not before it picks up a really noisy gang of youths who like to sing irritating travel songs.
Very long coach transfer finds them in Val Thorens, stop on the way to allow those who ate in flight breakfast to be sick.
Meet up with others, claim to have "really enjoyed" travelling by plane.
On paper they are schedued to arrive several hours before the driving party, at roughly 1400hrs or before on Saturday.

Russell and Stacy have their own plans, involving staying in Paris the night before. Aside from some speeding tickets and not knowing how to fit their chains they will be following a similar plan to us upon departure from Paris.

To prepare the drivers of each car have done the folowing: Bluntly and Crispy have both serviced their vehicles and replaced anything that is worn or on its way out. Due to peer pressure I opened the lolvo bonnet, then shut it again and went back inside. We have all trial fitted our chains to ensure we can do it (Weather report says that almost 25 miles from our resort chains must be used). Much excessive packing has been done, only to find we probably can't fit any of it in the cars.

Our itinery runs something like this;
Pack cars.
Re-pack cars.
Remove half of luggage, repack cars.
Remove all luggage, find car keys at back of boot.
Re-pack cars.
Meet up at the Ship for dinner prior to departure (1900hrs, Friday).
Re-pack cars.
Have tea at my house, somehow Team Lexus has got lost between the Ship and here for over a half hour.
Re-pack cars.
Leave my house, ideally time should be 2200hrs on Friday but due to team Lexus delay of one hour.
Return for passports.
Arrive at ferry terminal for 0130hrs (Saturday) at 0000hrs to find there are no earlier available spaces.
Team Lexus gets pulled by customs and searched due to 'tip off' from both vehicles in front that they are transporting an illegal immigrant or drugs.
Wait considerable amount of time, play pranks on each other and use air horn to upset other passengers waiting.
Get told off by Dover port staff for loud and irresponsible behavior.
Board ferry, Team Lexus boarded with no problem - Team Lolvo park to find the Lolvo too wide, cannot exit through doors. Team lovebus stuck on loading ramp due to low ride height and long wheelbase.
Long and loud argument between ferry personel and Bluntly ensues, during this time Stubby is able to board the ferry with the van by using excessive speed.
Long ferry journey, during this time Stubby earns £200 in loose change from gambling machines.
Wait considerable amount of time to disembark ferry.
Team Lexus gets pulled by customs and searched due to 'tip off' from both vehicles in front that they are transporting an illegal immigrant or drugs.
Get lost in Dover looking for motorway.
Find motorway, settle to 70mph cruise enforced by the Lovebus.
First stop, Stubby takes over driving for team Lovebus, settle to 100mph cruise encouraged by Lovebus.
Second stop, Bluntly forcibly removes Stubby as driver of the Lovebus, settle to 70mph cruise enforced by Lovebus.
Mountains begin.
Motorways end.
Get lost.
Snow is seen on ground, roads still clear.
Team Lexus has several near misses whilst trying to drift on hairpin bends.
Still with over 20 miles of road to go team Lexus is stuck and having to chain up, team Lolvo and team Lovebus watch in amusement and refuse to chain up, claiming 4wd (Lolvo) or snow tires (Lovebus) will negate the need to. In the spirit of top gear, Team Lexus is abandoned so the others can proceed.
Team Lexus overtake teams Lolvo and Lovebus, now hopelessly stuck and having to chain up. Insults are shouted, by team Lexus, as they leave the others in a haze of snowdust.
Teams Lolvo and Lovebus overtake team Lexus, now in a ditch.
Teams Lolvo and Lovebus return to team Lexus, pull them out and continue on.
Arrive at Val Thorens, if all goes to plan eta will be 1600hrs on Saturday.
Meet up with flyers, rub salt in their wounds about how funny the trip was.

So that is the plan for day one anyway, after that there will be a whole week of chaos, including a 6 mile toboggan run.

Wish us luck, we are all gonna need it!