How did I even get here? - Diary of a confused traveller in Vegas

This will likely be the first of a few older 'blogs'. Occasionally and normally when I go away I become bored and decide to write a diary, the one below is from a week spent living the high life in Las Vegas, America.

Vegas, Arrival and Day 1 - No pain, no gain...

Well we have arrived safe and sound, bar a sketchy landing that made a few people on the plane - including me – feel a lot less good about the in-flight meals.

Spent the first afternoon and evening chillaxing in the pool, exploring the Bellagio and having a top notch steak dinner at the Bellagio’s 'Steakhouse'. After an early start, long flight, time difference and massive meal we crashed out pretty early, well myself and Davin did anyway, Davey and Chad chose to make some losses before calling it a night. The Casinos have drawn first blood...

The first day was an active one, we made our way to the Excalibur for breakfast, and to get picked up for Bootleg Canyon Ziplines. Firstly though – breakfast. Why do the Americans feel it necessary to spoil a perfectly good fry up with sweet French bread?

Bootleg Canyon Ziplines... Wow, an epic first choice of activity!

We started (after signing our lives away and a bit of training) with a short but very steep hike up a small mountain, carrying the harnesses and dollies that would return us to desert-level. Everyone but the guides suffered on the hike, it is after all 40 degrees C out here!

The views from the top were as to be expected fantastic, looking out across the desert with glimpses of Vegas and the lake (insert name here) being held up by the Hoover Dam.

Davey has videos, and at some point will upload them to facetube but they don't convey the awesomeness of flying through the canyons at speeds surely approaching the sound barrier. We had four runs, four different ziplines before arriving at the bottom. Here weight was king and Davin didn't fare as well as some of us...

After the Ziplining we were dropped at the Excalibur and taxied back to the Bellagio (Its hot, and the strip is longer than you think!). Once back we took a dip in the pool and enjoyed a light (by US standards) lunch at the pool cafe.

We scrubbed the days earlier trials off us we went to lose some money at the Planet Hollywood, followed by our first show, also at the Planet Hollywood and starring Holly Madison. If all musicals were like it I would go to more of them.

Anyway, that’s a wrap - after the show we sauntered back to the Bellagio to go to bed, although I got lost, and had to saunter back unattended.

I made it, in case you were wondering.

More to come, there’s still a few days left after all- tomorrow is ATV driving, with another show at night - Something about the Beatles.

Vegas, Day 2 - A day in the desert

It was an early start this morning, so much so that Davin decided not to wake up at all and I was comatose for hours after waking up.

Today we went ATV (Quad bike) riding, pickup was from our hotel by our two guides for the day. I can't remember their names (for arguments sake I will refer to them as Billy-Bob and Jimmy-Joe)  but they were very nice people - for backwards hillbillies. It was a 2 hour drive into the desert to get to the ATV site in their well worn van, with iffy A/C. In fact every now and again the AC would stop working mysteriously - Jimmy-Joe cheerfully informed us it could be fixed by opening a front window and braking hard. Amazingly this worked every time, but it did make the van (travelling between 65-80mph with a long trailer, a single quad and the most dodgily home-made towbar I have ever seen) lurch and rock unnervingly. Every now and again this action would make the trailer break loose a bit, and encourage the van to change lanes or head off the road entirely. Fortunately our driver was completely unperturbed by this. Even more fortunately I was too tired to care at all.

Once we arrived at the site (truly in the middle of nowhere, with temperatures in the 1million degrees C level and almost no shade) we waited around a while quietly melting whilst Billy-Bob and Jimmy-Joe sorted our steeds for the day out.We would have wandered around, or stood int he shade of the one or two trees however our ever cheerful guides had informed us that poisonous snakes also favor shade.

What steeds we had! Polaris 330cc fully automatics for me and Chad, Davey got a Polaris 250cc 2-smoke(stroke) Auto. They were quick enough, apparently able to touch 50+ offroad (feels like 2000mph at least) and very very simple to use. There was literally a gear lever on the front right wheel arch - push forward to go forwards, pull back to go back, between the two for neutral. Throttle was a thumb one, and the footbrake lever had kindly been disengaged by Billy-Bob to prevent us riding the brakes, when I voiced some concern about the brake lever being disengaged he cheerfully (As ever) told me I wouldn't need brakes (probably) and he had rigged the hand lever on the left handlebar to operate the front and rear brakes anyhow.

Encouraged by his gung-ho attitude we started out on the baby runs, with Billy-Bob followed by me, followed by Chad, followed by Davey. This order turned out to be a big mistake on my part, because 2 minutes into the ride Billy-Bob came to a halt in front of me, after looking round. He shook his head, and ordered me to stay whilst he turned around and went back. When I turned around I was surprised to see only Davey, who should have been at the back - and no sign at all of Chad. It was only when Billy-Bob pulled up to a particularly vicious looking thorn covered tree that I realised Chad was somehow in the tree... Excellent news everybody - I completely failed to take any pictures today, but Davey was wearing his video camera and caught the incident in full high-definition glory.

It took all of us to extract Chad’s Quad, and he spent the rest of the day as first in line so Billy-Bob could watch him.

There were a few other small Chad related incidents, but no more offs. The rest of the morning sped by as we enjoyed the desert on the Quads.

It seemed like no time at all before we were on the way back in the van, wondering if no A/C was preferable to death by American driving. Jimmy-Joe drove on the way home, Billy-Bob had driven us there, Jimmy-Joe drove back. It turns out Jimmy-Joe was not quite as good as Billy-Bob with catching the trailer wobbling, but we still managed to avoid crashing and certain death anyway. Open the windows I hear some of you say? Well out here when you open the window it’s like standing in front of a giant hairdryer on maximum fan and heat, even at 80mph the air coming in through the window feels super heated to such a degree you wonder how the vans front has not melted off. Maybe it had, maybe it was why the A/C didn't work in the first place, who knows.

After getting in we showered, found Davin and went for a dim-sum, only we couldn't find dim-sum so we settled for a normal Chinese meal in an off-the-strip Chinese restaurant which was staffed entirely by people who were not of Chinese decent. In case you are wondering Davin spent the day either in bed or at the spa, getting massaged to within an inch of his life.

Tonight we went to a show at the Mirage - some kind of homage to the Beatles with lots of dancing and odd makeup. I am still no fan of musicals really, but at least I like Beatles music - and even I have to admit the choreography of these shows is stunning.

That’s about it really, we toured about the Mirage before and after but other than it being another hotel unlike any other (as with every hotel on the strip we have gone to so far) it was same old same old. Lots of happy families wondering about - kindly old fathers walking their very skimpily clad daughters about hand in hand.

Chow for now.

Vegas, Day 3 and 4 - Only mad dogs and Englishmen

I know I know, I missed a day. Sue me- I was tired.

The sun is now directly over Vegas, and less than 1/4 of a mile away. As a result temperatures during the night are roasting and slightly humid, temperatures during the day have reached eleventy-million degrees with nearly no humidity. Except in car parks, which are inexplicably sauna like.

We started yesterday off with exotic car racing at the Las Vegas speedway - actually that’s a minor porky-pie we started with another early start so we could arrange our car rental to get us there and to some of the other activities over the next couple of days. The very friendly and helpful Bellagio-Avis rental guy went out of his way to help and sourced us a white Dodge Charger (To them, a small 4 door saloon, to us the size of a BMW 5 series). It has a pitiful V6, and is as sporty as a damp rag.

Anyhow the trackday itself... It turns out we all suffered a bit too much from nerves! I must admit the Lambo Gallardo I drove made me extremely nervous, it was near impossible to see out of wearing a helmet and felt much bigger than it was. Still, the straight-line performance was amazing.

Chad had an Audi R8 V8, Davin had a Porsche 911 Carrera S and Davey had a Casio (Nissan) GTR.

Davin also got to do a fast lap in a Porsche 911 GT3 track/racecar, driven by a Nascar driver. He came out a little wobbly but smiling.

Davey did some offroading in his GTR, and had to come in for them to check the car over. Other than that it was incident free.

From the trackday we came back and chilled out, Davin and Davey went to the Spa, Chad wandered off to gamble and I strolled to the mall for an amble about.

At night we saw the Chris Angel show, a Magic/illusion show at the Luxor. It was good enough to keep us awake (We were all knackered) but not as impressive as the others (Has everone but me heard of Chris Angel?).

Today, today we had a very late start as we were due to go to the gun range but we couldn't be bothered to wake up. When we finally awoke we decided to change the rental car because Davey thought it smelled and Davin thought it wasn't special enough. We managed to get a Ford Mustang... But with a V6 and not a V8 - Boo.

Before collecting the new car me and Chad decided to go mooching about some of the other casinos, we went to the Planet Hollywood (Again), Paris, Bally’s and Treasure Island. In each one Chad had to gamble and gain two $5 chips from each casino for his collection.

We had to collect the Mustang at the Monte Carlo casino so I met up with Davin and Davey whilst Chad had an afternoon nap. After collecting Davin and Davey opted to gamble a little and I left with the car to collect Chad so we could sightsee some more.

We chose to go and see the original Vegas Strip road, called Freemont Street.

If you ever decide to go to Vegas, don't ever go to Freemont street. It turned out to be in a bad area, with plenty of beggars and seedy casinos. A shame, because it does look like once it would have been a very impressive sight, colourful old casinos and a covered street with lights above which at night show pictures and during the day keep the worst of the sun away. Unfortunately now the once grand casinos have fallen into disrepair, and when compared to the stunning Casinos of the modern Vegas Strip the street cannot compare. Naturally Chad insisted on getting chips from each casino, and he refused to simply cheat and buy the chips - they had to be earned by playing...

We were pleased to find the car still had wheels when we finally decided to go back, as we had to park in a dodgy car park due to the lack of Valets. (One gets used to the incredible standards of service in all the other Casinos).

After showering in disinfectant we took in another show, this time here at the Bellagio. The show was an acrobatics one called 'O' and was very impressive.

Chow for now...

Vegas, Day 5 - The Pain, oh the Pain

Another decently late start, breakfast in the Bellagio cafe (Second day in a row). We went dune buggy racing today, collection from the Bellagio thus the late start.

The dune buggies themselves were single seat cages with a rear mounted 600cc engine driving the rear wheels by a belt. Whilst this seems like a recipe for speed it’s not as good as it sounds - at least it wasn't for me. Firstly the seats are welded in a single place, for giants only. This meant that we couldn't reach the pedals at all, I had to perch on the edge of the seat to have my foot flat on the accelerator and this also meant I had to rest my weight on my spine by leaning right back in the chair, with no support for my lower back.

The suspension travel was measured in mm, and the terrain was incredibly punishing. As a result I have a bruise running the length of my spine, and spreading out to either side of my back just below the shoulder blades every time I move anything at all I am now in immense pain. Davin is similarly injured but Davey and Chad are not as bad.

After the punishment we took we decided to spend the rest of the day relaxing in and out of the pool. I worry that I am coming back black, anyone know the name of Jackson's doctor?

We watched our last show tonight - V for Variety at the Planet Hollywood. By far the smallest and least impressive show but still entertaining.

For dinner we ate at the Paris, in the Eiffel tower restaurant with a wonderful view of the Bellagio’s fountains.

That’s it for today, it’s a short one, but bear in mind that I am in immense pain and we have an early start tomorrow - tomorrow I will be leaving a perfectly good plane mid-flight.

Laterz

Vegas, Day 6 - The Final countdown.​...

Bel-a-da-da----da-da-da-da-da...... etc.

Sinfully early start this morning, as me, Chad and Davey left the hotel to go skydiving. Davin had opted out and stayed in bed - the bar-steward.

We arrived at Boulder City airport somewhat nervous.. this would be the first jump for each of us and we were all shitting bricks.

What does not help is the fact that we had to sign 4 page (Front and back!!) disclaimers saying many things about serious injury or death, and that we waive the right not only for us to sue of it goes wrong, but also our descendants... This was an un-nerving start, and it was followed by a video of a friendly man with the most epic beard ever describing the many many things that could go wrong and how we should all be aware that death is not only possible, but likely.

By now Chad had stopped being communicative, I felt sick and Davey was becoming very fidgety. Not off to a good start we signed our lives away (many many times) and trooped in to get 'suited up'. You get a very stylish boiler suit, and some nifty goggles to wear - followed by a harness that makes you walk like John Wayne.

This would be a tandem skydive, so each of us would be strapped to an instructor who would do all the hard work whilst we whimpered and screamed like the girly-men we are.

My instructor was called Roberto, and from Brazil - he apparently never gets nervous and 'likes the rush' I failed to share his optimism.

We boarded the plane, I was fortunate in that I was nearish the front (about 7 tandem jumpers and their instructors on the flight). Being near the front of the plane meant I would not be the first to jump, a fact that made me greatly relieved. Davey and Chad were not so lucky, Chad was next to the door and Davey was sitting on it.

The take off was incredibly smooth, a shame I couldn't sample the landing but if it was anywhere near as perfect the pilot should immediately go get a job at Virgin - they could use the help!

The funny thing was, as soon as the wheels left the tarmac all my nerves just--- disappeared. No idea why, but in the noise and nervousness surrounding me I just evened out, I was no longer terrified of the prospect of jumping out of a perfectly good plane.

The flight seemed to take ages, but the views were worth the long climb. At 15,000 feet give or take the door was rolled up and people started to disappear. I had barely time to register that Davey and Chad were gone, two more people and it was my turn.

Now, in the instruction videos and the briefing before takeoff you are drilled on many things, one of which is that when it’s your turn you will be sat on the edge of the door and you have to curve your legs under the plane as best possible. So we approach and sit on the edge of the door, I have a millisecond where I think - jeez, the wind is so strong, I can’t quite curve my legs under th............ Oh, we're out.

Then.... it’s hard to describe. What I can without a doubt say is that I wasn't afraid. Suddenly the noise of the airplane is gone, and it’s just wind noise. The ground appears in no hurry at all to catch you, like time has stopped but your still moving - it doesn't look like you are, but the wind lets you know.

In all too short a time I hear the ripcord go, and feel the parachute deploy. It’s a hell of a yank that, and suddenly I am acutely aware that the leg straps now holding all my weight are tight, and cutting off circulation to my legs... and other parts of my anatomy. Added to this the fact that the 'impact' of the parachute deploying and slowing us down has given me a monumental wedgie means that once the parachute deployed and all became silent my first words were.......... "Owies I have a front wedgie". Fortunately for me I don't think Roberto from Brazil spoke much English, and to him I hope I said something profound and worldly. Also this is why I didn’t buy the DVD of my jump, I don’t want any of you to see the look on my face when the ‘chute deployed.

I was allowed to fly the parachute for a bit, holding the two straps and pulling left down to go left, right down to go right and so on. I said I didn't want to, and questioned Ricardos parentage for suggesting such an offensive thing but he let go of the straps and put them in my hands. As we gracefully approached the ground Ricardo took over and took us through a series of tight turns -at what felt like several G to my balls- and took up a position to land.

The landing was again a very easy affair, as we approached I found myself thinking oh, here comes the ground, oh hang on its coming quickly (Bear in mind you land on your ass) Ooo this is going to... oh. We were down, as gentle as jumping into a soft bed.

So that was my experience you say, how about the others? Davey came strolling up just as Roberto (from Brazil) released my balls from the vice like grip of the harness. He was wearing an ear-to-ear grin, much like the one I think I was wearing. He had had a great flight down, just like me.

Chad didn't fare so well, after landing he had a lie down in the field, and he didn't look so good for a while afterwards. At some point during his dive he had managed to flip over during freefall too, and face the sky. He went even paler when we said that didn't happen to us and it probably wasn't supposed to.

So in a nutshell - skydiving... I would never have signed up for it on my own - have never wanted to do it before but the act of doing it, the views and the feeling (to me I didn't feel a rush, more like - sudden serenity) it was worth every damn second of fear. I won't be doing it again by choice - definitely never on my own - but I am damn glad I did it.

The rest of the day... well no matter what it’s not going to compare! We did have a great afternoon though, after collecting Davin and resting a little from our early morning (well in my case anyway, I wanted to go back to bed) we went to have lunch and an explore at the Venetian. It was very nice, very similar to the other casinos but with just a different theme.

In the afternoon we went to the Vegas speedway again to be taught to drift. An excellent afternoon, we each had about an hour driving very beaten Nissan 200sx's around dampened oval except Davin, because he couldn't drive a 'stick shift' (manual) he settled for a pro taking him out on a longer dry circuit, at high speed completely sideways.

I for one learnt a lot - mostly that I am perhaps predictably not the best ever at drifting but I had a fantastic time. Chad went through a couple of barriers with his and got about an hour and a half of tutoring but me and Davey managed to avoid all obstacles (although there were some close calls).

Tonnes of fun, and the Mazda is probably feeling very relieved that it’s no longer insured for my return...

We came back, cleaned up and went for dinner and an explore at Cesar's Palace. The Palace is the most impressive hotel inside and out, very good attention to detail - high vaulted ceilings, columns and statues everywhere make it brilliant to stroll around. We had dinner at a Japanese restaurant, Davin had the Kobe beef we heard so much about, but as a stew rather than steak (Single steak - $200!!) I tried a bit and I must say it was very nice. I also tried some salmon dipped in Wasabi... Shall not be doing that again.

That's a wrap folks, we are on the plane home tomorrow so I have nothing more to say to youz guyz. Have a great day, and thanks for reading!

LOL (that’s Lots Of Love in internetz lingo right ;) )

Remember to all those of you wanting to go to Vegas – in the end, nobody beats the house.