In the drink - so to speak

Well, its Hofficial – regardless of if the company sinks or swims I will be jobless sometime at the end of this month. This could mean I have more time to write meaningless drivel here a lot more, but as I have a sneaking suspicion that my to-do list at home is being quietly added to I suspect not.

Also I suppose I will have to find alternative employment. I was thinking Astronaut, or perhaps combat helicopter pilot. I feel both roles would suit me well, however due to my colossal experience in Googling things I should skip any formal training and just get started. I am still waiting for the RAF and NASA to accept my offers. Obviously they will, I guess nobody there has read them yet. Perhaps there is a problem with the mail in their area.

Another excellent option would be the new Stig on Top Gear, obviously I wouldn’t be as fast unless strapped to a rocket (My soon-to-be employers NASA could provide this) but I would amble purposefully around the track, muttering stuff about things.

Oddly the BBC has also not replied to my application either – must remember to send letters tracked next time.

So in other news – nothing really.

It was Halloween not long ago, its tradition that we go out every Halloween in cars with large catapults and eggs. As this is not an ‘approved’ behavioural thing I shall not go into much detail but suffice it to say we went through 190 eggs give or take, many of which hit their intended targets. Some did go inside the vehicles they were launched from but on the whole it was a successful night. If it makes you feel any better we don’t egg any elderly people, or children. But anyone in a hoodie is fair game.

We went for some offroading a couple of weekends ago, I took my Heep as a support vehicle to Bluntly, Stubby and Crispy who all rode motorbikes. They weren’t hardcore enough to ride them there though – they took them there and back in a van… Pussies.

Bluntly got soaked, it was really really funny but I guess you had to be there. Here are a couple of pictures of the day in question;

Damp Bluntly, he looks happy in this photo but I assure you he didn’t find it as funny as us. I laughed so hard I think I weed a little bit.

 Here we are discussing Crispys broken starter motor, well they were - I was eating crisps.

Another break, more crisps, and also I found a warm thermos with tea on the back seat - thanks Vicky!

Here we were pulled over so Crispy and Stubby could practice wheelys. Mores the pity, they didn't fall off and I had run out of crisps.

Stubby taking on a very steep slope side on, if you look really closedly you can see he actually fell off at the top...

It was a long way down, Kens bike is down there after overheating. He thinks its got nothing to do with his weight, I disagree. The argument continues.

Crispy taking flying lessons, there wasn't enough falling off to keep me happy.

This was just before loading up to go home, good news - by this point I had found a sneaky pack of crisps left over.

There are more photos and even some videos (check me out with all my modern tech!) which can be found here: Salisbury Plain 13/11/11

Also I did go to a large banger racing meeting at Ringwood raceway last weekend, to support Crispy who was racing in the ‘World’ (World in this case meaning about a 50 mile radius from the raceway) Rookie Banger Racing Championship.

The problem was however, that there were 300+ cars racing on this night, most of them for the championship (In sets of 50 a time on the track) and Crispy in his infinite wisdom had chosen to race a Honda Civic hatchback (A very small 3 door). He was up against mostly large saloons and estates, including Volvos and the like.

He didn’t win, but more importantly – I didn’t get stabbed by the mostly Pikey audience.

I would have taken pictures, but it was dark and there was a risk of mugging for shoelaces, let alone a camera.

That about sums up my last couple of weeks, just need to send off some more job applications. Anyone know who I apply to for James Bonds job?

Iceberg, Dead ahead!

I found out recently that my work with my current employer is possibly coming to an end, the company is taking on water faster than we can bail it out and the sharks are circling.

I liken my company to the Titanic, it’s a small company but with the wage structure of a lumbering behemoth of the Seas. Almost everyone other than myself and one or two other members of staff is a ‘Director’ and managing their own department (Department of them) and on wages that frankly insult (Double or triple) the non-directors amongst us.

Basically, we spent a long time with the Iceberg in sight, and there was plenty of warning before it even crested the horizon. Enough warning in fact to effect a mutiny, the previous Captain (CEO) was thrown overboard with her first mate (Sales Director) because the Chief Engineer (Operations Director) and Captain could not agree on which way to turn the boat and avoid the ‘berg. Of course I use the term ‘thrown overboard’ with some artistic licence, because the previous Captain and Co. left with a sizable life raft for their personal use.

Are you confused yet?

Anyway, with a new captain at the helm we had a new direction, but alas – it was too late to do anything about the ‘berg so in we went.

Now here we are, I was enjoying myself milling around in the Second Class cabins, stealing stuff from First Class and generally flowing with the tide. Laughed about how First Class are a bunch of toffs and we would do much more cool stuff if we had their money instead of them, poked fun about Third Class with their rats and Jobless existence.

I even spent some time on the bow, wind in the hair and all but some fat bird and her American boyfriend (Who was inexplicably pretending to be Irish) got all up in my face claiming they were on top of the world and stuff so I left them to it.

Now I am on the lifeboat deck, I can’t find a lifejacket and I don’t want to swim anyway. Dresses don’t suit me and I am left considering if I should punch J.J. Astor in the face for his spot on the lifeboat. And to top it off its fecking freezing.

We have somewhere between a week and four weeks to find out how things go, if we get bought out and the hole patched or if we go down. It won’t be with all hands mind – several have already boarded the lifeboats and applied for new jobs but their lifeboats haven’t launched quite yet.

I for one will be staying till the bitter end, I will be waiting until she slips below the waves and following the bubbles to the surface afterwards.

It’s not because of undying loyalty you understand, it’s because I am that afraid to move forward I would rather sink with the current Captain than risk jumping ship first.